My theory is that everyone has one “evil drink,” the drink that functions like Dr. Jekyll's potion and turns an otherwise convivial drinker into Mr. Hyde. My evil drink is vodka.

Some people like to claim that you can be a connoisseur of vodka, discerning all kinds of subtle flavors in it. This is a claim I'm highly skeptical of. I remember reading somewhere that in a blind taste test a group of self-proclaimed vodka connoisseurs was unable to distinguish Grey Goose from Popov. I personally find that pretty easy to believe, because all vodka tastes like Evil to me.

I've had two Terrible Vodka Incidents in my drinking life, and both of them not only led to my transformation into Mr. Hyde, but also to that type of hangover where you literally wish you could die so the suffering would stop. Vodka seems to have its evil effect on me regardless of whether I drink it in the form of shots or screwdrivers. It also seems to cause previously platonic female friends to make sudden and startling pronouncements to which I am in no shape to respond in a sensitive and caring fashion. The subsequent embarrassment and awkwardness on all sides tends to have a less than optimal effect on the friendship too.

That's what I mean by an “evil drink”- a drink that causes everything to go bad if you have too much of it. Mine happens to be vodka, but I've met other people whose evil drink was tequila or gin, or even my beloved whiskey.